walking in the abyss. a forked path, take the one less travelled. get lost in the abyss. going furthur down. meet hellraisers. send me up. I float, pushed down into the fire. Burn, burn, burn. to ashes. Maxim, the first name on the cross,you see as you enter the graveyard. smell of dried fish. something, dead. something decayed. soul. now equals to ether. the passion reads off the lips of a sufi saint. A passion understood by two souls, not recognised by one as love. A distance of time doesn't separate two souls, indifference does. A feeling, morbid, a feeling distant. A never ending search. A search found by a man in a woman. The most beautiful gift, they both receive in the form of love, friendship and passion.
walking away now, for these thoughts torment me. My years of gravel have cemented these thoughts, and now the soul can do without the physical, the memories are themselves wholesome beings. I have empowered them.
I weep at the thought.
I was reduced to, by the prejudices.
Its hard to keep an open mind, we try. But its hard to keep an open mind.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Amen
Time has passed into oblivion, and upturned that stone, and now the stone has molded, it is now a pebble.
People who are subjected to hurt, n' number of times. Do you think they ever feel the kindness that comes later in their life or do they stop loving god. Or do they take their life as a mere existence and continue to live. Like you. Like me.
Life goes on. But, for whom, for that lifeless soul. And it waits on them, who take their own time to get back to life, and its pleasures.
***
A chinese song has its own soft -pop melody, maybe south asians truly know the meaning of love, and are not inflicted by circumstantial lesbianism/gayism. That's how I'd like to term it. The songs, mostly like their love songs seem like they are sung, while walking on water, lucid, smooth and indepth.
***
Work being approved is like a blessing, that has the power to raise your confidence from the abyss, to a comforting cushion, where you have time to nurse those wounds, which you received when you took that plunge.
***
Advertising world is crazy.
***
UP bhaiyas or Uttar hindustanis, oh yeah, 35 lakh in Mumbai city alone.And most of them are those rickshawalas. Well, they'll know one thing for sure, while their first month in bombay; their customers love to have a conversation. Talking about the pathetic state of things in the city, is the best topic, to have them converse in.
***
Reading is a good habit. Only when nothing else is interesting.
***
Exercise is when you start to sweat, and strolling in the park is not called an exercise!!
***
Obituary: Venkatesh Gdwr
You had a lot of love inside you, which you even showed, to your family, and those who came to visit you.
But you taught one important lesson: If you don't save. You die a merciless death.
People who are subjected to hurt, n' number of times. Do you think they ever feel the kindness that comes later in their life or do they stop loving god. Or do they take their life as a mere existence and continue to live. Like you. Like me.
Life goes on. But, for whom, for that lifeless soul. And it waits on them, who take their own time to get back to life, and its pleasures.
***
A chinese song has its own soft -pop melody, maybe south asians truly know the meaning of love, and are not inflicted by circumstantial lesbianism/gayism. That's how I'd like to term it. The songs, mostly like their love songs seem like they are sung, while walking on water, lucid, smooth and indepth.
***
Work being approved is like a blessing, that has the power to raise your confidence from the abyss, to a comforting cushion, where you have time to nurse those wounds, which you received when you took that plunge.
***
Advertising world is crazy.
***
UP bhaiyas or Uttar hindustanis, oh yeah, 35 lakh in Mumbai city alone.And most of them are those rickshawalas. Well, they'll know one thing for sure, while their first month in bombay; their customers love to have a conversation. Talking about the pathetic state of things in the city, is the best topic, to have them converse in.
***
Reading is a good habit. Only when nothing else is interesting.
***
Exercise is when you start to sweat, and strolling in the park is not called an exercise!!
***
Obituary: Venkatesh Gdwr
You had a lot of love inside you, which you even showed, to your family, and those who came to visit you.
But you taught one important lesson: If you don't save. You die a merciless death.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
enituoR.enituoR.enituoR : That's what life has become.
Its happy diwali
and I am not in the mood to celebrate, with grandpa not here, its a little damp. i smile, I talk, I weep when I see movies, but its not the same. There's grandpa right in front of my eyes. drifting. Smiling, forever smiling. And always in my heart.
I have moved on. Thankfully. I was evading from a gruesome attack that had plagued me but I am out of it now. And on the path of self renewal, a few old familiar faces keep me company and let me drift in this life. Exploring. Finding curiosity in a child's eyes, is most amusing to me. It wraps my heart with such fondness that I seem to be falling in love with kids at first sight. I was a kid once, and I am still a kid now.
Thoughts of food entice me, and that seems to be the only instant gratification I have found besides music and movies.
Maybe now is the time to really create. I will make these 3 days really memorable, I promise.
Today, a familiar face stood in front of me, hanging by the handles of the train.And neither of us, wanted to know what we both were upto. We didn't care. I smiled at the circumstance, but I was never a good friend of hers. But the formality, we thought wasn't required. I have gained weight, and she on the other hand looked quite fit, but troubled. Doesn't everyone of us look wearisome, after a hard day's toil. Maybe the life in Bombay is making us, machines, a well-oiled machine with no sentiments left...
I happened to remember I had the 'Dombivali fast' Cd with me, and it so happens that my Mom was really eager to see it for quite sometime now, so well, in the CD went, and boom the movie began. Sandeep Kulkarni stars in the film, and the film cruises with such dexterity, that you are astonished at the wit and exactitude of the dialogues, there's no doubt that he's a theatre actor. The feel, the passion. Brilliant. A few Marathi movies have been able to achieve such repertoire. It is one of the excellently directed and well performed movies of all time for me. It's something like Nayak, starring Anil Kapoor. However Nayak, was a movie that strengthened hope while this one, slaps you with practicality.It is so heartrending, to see a Mumbaikar who is fed up, actually emerges from the sea of people that walk the crowd and grabs your heart, squeezes it so hard that it hurts, the monstrosity does. But that hand leaves and you sink back into your chair with thoughts whirring in your mind, and you just wonder. What now.....What now?
Sandeep Kulkarni, I have heard also stars in a Marathi play called Aamchya Gharat, and I was 10 years old when I saw it, at a Ganeshotsav Mandal in Lokhandwala.I still remember the intensity. I would love to see it again.
And on the office front, I realised that I proved today that I was a true blue movie buff. And I deserve a trophy. Well, all in all, a decent end to a fairly good start.
and I am not in the mood to celebrate, with grandpa not here, its a little damp. i smile, I talk, I weep when I see movies, but its not the same. There's grandpa right in front of my eyes. drifting. Smiling, forever smiling. And always in my heart.
I have moved on. Thankfully. I was evading from a gruesome attack that had plagued me but I am out of it now. And on the path of self renewal, a few old familiar faces keep me company and let me drift in this life. Exploring. Finding curiosity in a child's eyes, is most amusing to me. It wraps my heart with such fondness that I seem to be falling in love with kids at first sight. I was a kid once, and I am still a kid now.
Thoughts of food entice me, and that seems to be the only instant gratification I have found besides music and movies.
Maybe now is the time to really create. I will make these 3 days really memorable, I promise.
Today, a familiar face stood in front of me, hanging by the handles of the train.And neither of us, wanted to know what we both were upto. We didn't care. I smiled at the circumstance, but I was never a good friend of hers. But the formality, we thought wasn't required. I have gained weight, and she on the other hand looked quite fit, but troubled. Doesn't everyone of us look wearisome, after a hard day's toil. Maybe the life in Bombay is making us, machines, a well-oiled machine with no sentiments left...
I happened to remember I had the 'Dombivali fast' Cd with me, and it so happens that my Mom was really eager to see it for quite sometime now, so well, in the CD went, and boom the movie began. Sandeep Kulkarni stars in the film, and the film cruises with such dexterity, that you are astonished at the wit and exactitude of the dialogues, there's no doubt that he's a theatre actor. The feel, the passion. Brilliant. A few Marathi movies have been able to achieve such repertoire. It is one of the excellently directed and well performed movies of all time for me. It's something like Nayak, starring Anil Kapoor. However Nayak, was a movie that strengthened hope while this one, slaps you with practicality.It is so heartrending, to see a Mumbaikar who is fed up, actually emerges from the sea of people that walk the crowd and grabs your heart, squeezes it so hard that it hurts, the monstrosity does. But that hand leaves and you sink back into your chair with thoughts whirring in your mind, and you just wonder. What now.....What now?
Sandeep Kulkarni, I have heard also stars in a Marathi play called Aamchya Gharat, and I was 10 years old when I saw it, at a Ganeshotsav Mandal in Lokhandwala.I still remember the intensity. I would love to see it again.
And on the office front, I realised that I proved today that I was a true blue movie buff. And I deserve a trophy. Well, all in all, a decent end to a fairly good start.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Faith departed. Has it happened too soon?
Faith.
I have lost faith. would that also mean passion? yes. I have officially lost it.
Ok. Human nature is predominantly and is unabashedly ruled by Desire.And if you stare even for a second around you, you will see people battling for a bargain, saving money, using it for another of their artificial necessities. You don't stop. And when you do, you begin writing this piece like I am doing right now, to get it off your chest. To contemplate and find an answer. And most of you just don't. Because there are a lots of things to do. I had them too, but seems like I lost my path, and no one showed me the way. To get away from it all we listen to songs. Most songs we hear, are always melancholic, sad or contemplative, wondering, most times I am trying to picture someone who could fit that song, how am I supposed to relate to it otherwise? So the ones don't fit in. I just don't listen. That's how you ask your friends to help you with a good set of contemplative songs/ ghazals / happy/ fun/ sleazy/ songs, so that they elevate that mood for you.That's the way it works. But songs are one of the best temporary solutions you can find, besides shopping and food and friends. I saw this movie, the other day, Pursuit of happyness. It's a briliant story, and I want to feel that way. I really do. But my faith has departed. It's hard to bring it back, I need to live for something, that truly means something to me, and once I do, maybe I should find it sooner, or else it will be too late.
* Ironically as soon as I posted this, my player sang this song " AAshayein" from the movie Iqbal :)
Maybe there's still hope left, or I just need to wake up to find that spirit.
I have lost faith. would that also mean passion? yes. I have officially lost it.
Ok. Human nature is predominantly and is unabashedly ruled by Desire.And if you stare even for a second around you, you will see people battling for a bargain, saving money, using it for another of their artificial necessities. You don't stop. And when you do, you begin writing this piece like I am doing right now, to get it off your chest. To contemplate and find an answer. And most of you just don't. Because there are a lots of things to do. I had them too, but seems like I lost my path, and no one showed me the way. To get away from it all we listen to songs. Most songs we hear, are always melancholic, sad or contemplative, wondering, most times I am trying to picture someone who could fit that song, how am I supposed to relate to it otherwise? So the ones don't fit in. I just don't listen. That's how you ask your friends to help you with a good set of contemplative songs/ ghazals / happy/ fun/ sleazy/ songs, so that they elevate that mood for you.That's the way it works. But songs are one of the best temporary solutions you can find, besides shopping and food and friends. I saw this movie, the other day, Pursuit of happyness. It's a briliant story, and I want to feel that way. I really do. But my faith has departed. It's hard to bring it back, I need to live for something, that truly means something to me, and once I do, maybe I should find it sooner, or else it will be too late.
* Ironically as soon as I posted this, my player sang this song " AAshayein" from the movie Iqbal :)
Maybe there's still hope left, or I just need to wake up to find that spirit.
Today is the day when I clean my keyboard. :)
This is to remind me, to take care of somethings left undone.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Another uneventfuls
ok ok. won't discuss supernatural powers or anything like that or the Sahaja yoga....damn! but I discovered something, that is important to me. And there, I don't care what you think. Thank god! WE CAN'T SEE GOD, OR I'D BE RATHER BORED BY HIS DIKTAT, AND I WOULDN'T HAVE HOPE LEFT!
Anyways, it was a relatively fine day. I am quite close to being broke, that's probably why I shun the roadside bhel. I live a normal life, get excited on fridays, spend weekends contemplating about anything under the sun, then give a lazy stretch on sunday nights, and sulk at the thought of mondays. Bas, nothing great has happened in this Creative's mind so far. I just love cooking up whacky ideas, that only a few intelligent people like me get( hehe). Guess what?! I SAW AN AD FROM THE New York festivals, and my idea was in there. Damn, isn't that great?! But my boss knows, and well forget about it, I don't want to tell you how it went, because it doesn't matter, because he dint make a big deal out of it. Damn! anyways, maybe a lil moreeeeeeeeee hardwork, should be applied, to win this war.
HMPF! G'nite and really good dreams, but not so good, that they'd make you want to sleep even more, to get that one nice smooch from that love you recently found interesting ;)
Au revoir!
Anyways, it was a relatively fine day. I am quite close to being broke, that's probably why I shun the roadside bhel. I live a normal life, get excited on fridays, spend weekends contemplating about anything under the sun, then give a lazy stretch on sunday nights, and sulk at the thought of mondays. Bas, nothing great has happened in this Creative's mind so far. I just love cooking up whacky ideas, that only a few intelligent people like me get( hehe). Guess what?! I SAW AN AD FROM THE New York festivals, and my idea was in there. Damn, isn't that great?! But my boss knows, and well forget about it, I don't want to tell you how it went, because it doesn't matter, because he dint make a big deal out of it. Damn! anyways, maybe a lil moreeeeeeeeee hardwork, should be applied, to win this war.
HMPF! G'nite and really good dreams, but not so good, that they'd make you want to sleep even more, to get that one nice smooch from that love you recently found interesting ;)
Au revoir!
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Some things left to be said.
I had wanted to write this piece for a long time. I didn't get a chance to. I enjoyed every bit of the escape I had desperately wanted to achieve. And even put my 'passion' at risk. and went to an Alumni party.
It was fabulous. Because there were a few familiar faces. Thats the beauty of life. when you get to smile at a person, and he/she smiles back.It's beautiful. We shed our inhibitions, I let the rum take the better of me and gave in to the lull of the music.It was grand.I did miss a few people. Yes Shreeja I missed you, very much. We just went crazy. The entire feel was more like, hey we are MICAns and its our party. Damn. It felt splendid. I haven't danced so much since I've been back. I recieved a call, from a very old friend of mine, and I felt a twinge of emotion that every Bridget Jones would feel. But Alas, every dog shall have his day.
Lesbians, gays what's the deal anyways? There's this one guy I know, who came out of the closet. Admitted it, in a cult magazine, and well, he's quite hot I must say. but then when you go deeper, you probably just don't realise, what they are talking about, until you're one of them. It came as a shock. But then, it was alright. It was about, just letting some things be. Not imploring so much, or giving so much thought to it. Sexual attraction or lust, they are relative. friendship and love, they are too, but whats the validity? When do you realise you're gay, a touch, a look. Is it just hormones. Is it convenience? Is it ridiculous, or is it just normal?
I found the answer to life, the other day, while I pondered and discussed with my mom and hten told Dad, he said, he'd be back with an answer in 2 days, today was Day 1, i am waiting for Day 2. When he actually puts up a fight. When I had the answer to the purpose and the working of the universe, I felt empty, like after this, what? And my head started aching tremendously. But I still have a job to do. I have to go on living.
:) and a smile is the best way to begin a day right!
It was fabulous. Because there were a few familiar faces. Thats the beauty of life. when you get to smile at a person, and he/she smiles back.It's beautiful. We shed our inhibitions, I let the rum take the better of me and gave in to the lull of the music.It was grand.I did miss a few people. Yes Shreeja I missed you, very much. We just went crazy. The entire feel was more like, hey we are MICAns and its our party. Damn. It felt splendid. I haven't danced so much since I've been back. I recieved a call, from a very old friend of mine, and I felt a twinge of emotion that every Bridget Jones would feel. But Alas, every dog shall have his day.
Lesbians, gays what's the deal anyways? There's this one guy I know, who came out of the closet. Admitted it, in a cult magazine, and well, he's quite hot I must say. but then when you go deeper, you probably just don't realise, what they are talking about, until you're one of them. It came as a shock. But then, it was alright. It was about, just letting some things be. Not imploring so much, or giving so much thought to it. Sexual attraction or lust, they are relative. friendship and love, they are too, but whats the validity? When do you realise you're gay, a touch, a look. Is it just hormones. Is it convenience? Is it ridiculous, or is it just normal?
I found the answer to life, the other day, while I pondered and discussed with my mom and hten told Dad, he said, he'd be back with an answer in 2 days, today was Day 1, i am waiting for Day 2. When he actually puts up a fight. When I had the answer to the purpose and the working of the universe, I felt empty, like after this, what? And my head started aching tremendously. But I still have a job to do. I have to go on living.
:) and a smile is the best way to begin a day right!
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